It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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