Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
