Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
