Well apparently he's into motor boating.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
