i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
