escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it because I queefed?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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