oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
