; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
