oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
