you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
