Did you just see the Batmobile???
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
