i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
NoShamevember. You game?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
