so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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