I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
