I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
