ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dicks are not precious.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
