this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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