Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
