If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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