I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
