You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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