wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
