someone owes me an orgasm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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