i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
