I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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