Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
