I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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