I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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