very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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