I'm lost and stupid without you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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