Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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