That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
