Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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