How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
