I feel like abortions should bother me more
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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