how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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