fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
