His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
