onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
