I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize