Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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