tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
