Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
