how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize