I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
