Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
