Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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