Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
