Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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