A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
