I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
