oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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