I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
