what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
