you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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