i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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