Midget sex pt 2 tonight
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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