I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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