Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
