did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
