Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
