last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize