Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
