i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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