@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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