It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
