what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
