Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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