there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
