Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
