I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
