Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
