My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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